Title: Total Revenge
Author: ghostwriter_kod
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee and I make no money from this fan fiction
Warnings: slash
Pairings: Kurt Hummel / Noah Puckerman
Summary: Puck is trying to woo someone through song. What does Kurt think of this nonsense?
A/N - Hello. This is my first Glee fic, I actually wrote it last summer, but I did make a few adjustments to make it fit in with what actually happened this season, not the rumors. So I hope you like this. It was beta'd for me by Romy Katherine from fanfiction.net ages ago, but it definitional helped me finish up this story! So a big thanks to them. The song that Puck sings is "Total Revenge" by Say Anything, I don't own it, but I like it. I hope you like it and remember: I don't own Glee or make any money off of this, and I love reviews a ton!
"All right guys, Puck has asked to sing a solo so I'd like for you all to quiet down and listen up."
Is Mr. Schuester actually laughing at what he said? That man is completely ridiculous. Ugh, shoot me, Puck's guitar is out so he must be trying to get into some girl's pants, again. Who does he think he is, John Mayer? He's gross enough, that's for sure.
"I wonder which girl he's trying to date this time?"
Oh Mercedes, please tell me that is not a hopeful look on your face, weren't you hurt enough last time?
"Hmm... I'm not sure, but whoever it is must be easy. I mean this is the fourth time he's done this."
Oh Versace! Look at my nails! I suppose I'll have to go get another manicure after the mating call that I have the pleasure of listening to. I should take Mercedes, we can have a mini spa, which, holy shit if looks could kill, will apparently consist of me begging for forgiveness. What have I done this time?
"I went out with him after he sang me a solo."
"Yes, but you were supposed to be using each other, so I decided not to think less of you for it."
Really that girl should be grateful, especially after that little feud with Santana. I was seriously starting to reconsider our friendship.
"Quiet everyone."
Is Mr. Schue seriously glaring at us? What is his problem?
"Right so this is a song that expresses my feelings about a...person."
Why does he sound nervous? He's 'Puckzilla'. All he has to do is sing and whatever girl he's after will fall in love with him. The song's kind of nice though, he's really good on the guitar, and his voice isn't horrendous.
"When I like you it's total revenge. I want to, but I can pretend, that I don't need to be by your side again..."
So he's singing to someone he'd been with before. Well that only eliminates Tina, but I guess even Puck isn't evil enough to steal her away from Mike. Even if he could get in between the two of them (seriously, I think they're like fused together or something) Mike would probably kick his ass in some stylized dance like manner, which would be hilarious. Now I wish he was singing to Tina.
"You're a problem, that I can't abide..."
Well that's a little rude. I mean I get that wanting someone so much that it's a problem, but why is the girl the problem?
"With the thought, that I may not be as great as those who came before..."
Why is he glaring at Finn? Maybe the girl used to be with Finn. That means it's Quinn, Santana, or Rachel, and he's already pulled this crap with two of them.
"Maybe, I can relax for good..."
So that sounds like monogamy? That seems rather unlikely. No, actually that seems impossible, I'm sure if there was only one other human left on Earth he would start sleeping with monkeys...eww, bad thoughts. Why is Schuester glaring again? Right, song's done, must clap. There, now I'm clapping loudly, how do you like that Mr. Hair-gel?
"That was wonderful Puck, you really put a lot of emotion into that song. I think it might be what we need to win sectionals this year. I mean I've never heard the song, but maybe something like will keep other teams from stealing our song choices."
"I'm not sure this is something that I could sing in front of a whole crowd. I mean that first time I heard it all I could think about was this person and that liking them was revenge because of how awful I'd been to them. You know, like the universe is making me like them because they could never like me back "
So the song was about Rachel. That was pretty low of Puck; he was trying to steal Finn's girlfriend again. Do I hear an obnoxious and grating noise coming from somewhere? Yes, yes I do, does Rachel ever shut up?
"Noah, while I appreciate your attempt to show me your true feelings through song, thus convincing me to leave Finn, I have to say that I won't be leaving him for you."
Wow, I don't think I've ever seen that look on anyone's face; pissed and confused.
"This isn't about you Berry, do you think the world revolves around you? You're not the only one in Glee Club that I used to torture."
"But I am the only one that you've been in a relationship with."
Then it hits me like a ton of Walmart fashion. It was the Halloween party, there had been a lot of alcohol and I had been pissed about Blaine with his stupid mixed signals and Karofsky with his stupid homophobic crush. Puck had just been turned down by Santana and apparently being desperate, drunk and horny turns him bi, but there was no way Puck could have been singing to me. I must have looked like a deer caught in the headlights because Puck had his trademark 'I'm an arrogant jerk' smirk on his face.
"The person I was singing to knows, and that's all that matters."
The smug bastard refused to say anything else, so we eventually continued with practice. I swear I'm going to murder him after I find out what he thinks he's doing. After Glee Noah Puckerman will pay.
"What the hell was that?"
Why does he look amused? I'm using my oft practiced Sue Sylvester death glare. He should be shaking in that cheap ugly flannel!
"I thought it was kind of obvious. That was me, singing a song to you, in the hope that you'll agree to go on a date with me. I know you don't like me and I still have no idea why you were willing to hook up with me you probably still have some weird feelings for Finn, but I really do like you and I want to take you out."
Did he seriously just ask me on a date? Looking like that? After serenading me like he has done time and time again. I am Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, I will not be wooed like the common McKinley female.
"The song was sweet Noah, and I would say yes, if it hadn't been done. So instead I will give you one mini-spa to convince me to go out with you."
"What?"
Poor boy has no idea what he's in for, at least I'll get my manicure now.
